Efficient writing

Here's part of today's blog lesson on my new site ielts study:

I set a homework task that asked people to write two sentences:

1. A second benefit of robots
2. Explain or give an example

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Looking through the answers, I noticed that several people had written more than two sentences. Here's an example:

Secondly, these robotic machines can spur labor productivity, especially in manufacturing realm. Take robotic arms, which are prominently utilized in automobile factories. These arms can physically replace human labors in assembling automobile heavy parts in quick and detailed ways. Thus, the more robotic performing arms are installed, the more cars are likely manufactured at the same time with traditional manual humans’ activities.

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I think we can rewrite this in a more efficient way, using just two sentences:

Secondly, robots and machines can improve productivity, especially in the manufacturing realm. Robotic arms, for example, are used on automobile assembly lines to perform precise actions in a fraction of the time that a human worker would take, thus speeding up the vehicle production process.

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Can you see how much more efficient it is to write two sentences instead of four? This is the writing style that I'm trying to teach subscribers on my new site.