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IELTS Writing: coherence problems

Here's part of a paragraph that a student on my member site wrote:

In my opinion, the depleting fossil fuels can be conserved by adopting two methods. Firstly, government can urge people to use public transportation more. This is because the number of private vehicles on the road is rising, and therefore petrol and diesel are being used at an alarming rate. If government tries to make people aware about the grave consequences of running out of fossil fuels then there would be definitely a sharp decline in their consumption. Secondly,…

Can you see what is wrong with the sentences above in terms of coherence?

It might help you to see a summary of what each sentence is doing:

  1. Topic sentence: two methods to conserve fossil fuels
  2. First method: use public transportation more
  3. Reason: increasing use of private vehicles → increasing use of fuels
  4. Hypothesis: raised awareness of fossil fuel depletion → lower consumption

I can see two big 'coherence' problems, but they are easy to solve. I've written a detailed lesson about this on the member site blog.

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