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IELTS Writing Task 2: improved 'task response'

Have a look at the two paragraphs below. The second version is better in terms of task response. Can you see why?

Version 1 - highlighted sentences don't extend my response

The negative implications of genetic engineering are often discussed in terms of two key areas, which are food production and the cloning of humans. Genetically modified crops are already being grown, and people are concerned that they may damage whole ecosystems as foods become resistant to diseases and natural predators. But perhaps even more worrying is the possibility that humans could be modified or cloned. Some people imagine a world in which cloned humans are used to fight wars or to provide body part replacements. Although perhaps not a threat to life on earth, the implications of such practices would be unprecedented.

Version 2 - highlighted sentences extend and develop my ideas

The negative implications of genetic engineering are often discussed in terms of two key areas, which are food production and the cloning of humans. Genetically modified crops are already being grown, and people are concerned that they may damage whole ecosystems as foods become resistant to diseases and natural predators. For example, scientists are able to produce a variety of corn that releases a toxin to kill certain insects, but this intervention could lead to the disappearance of birds that feed on those insects. In the human realm, some people imagine a world in which clones are used to fight wars or to provide body part replacements. Perhaps cloning could even be used to bring deceased people back to life, which would certainly be a threat to humanity as we know it.

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